Self-Esteem Counselling

What are self-esteem issues?

Self-esteem is what you think of yourself: how much respect you have for yourself, and how capable, lovable, and worthy you believe you are. Self-esteem issues occur when that view becomes persistently negative, harsh, or fragile, to the point that it shapes your decisions, your relationships, and your daily mood.

Low self-esteem is not a formal mental health diagnosis. It is a pattern that often sits underneath other concerns, and it can be worked on directly in therapy.

How can I tell if I have low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem usually shows up in how you talk to yourself and what you avoid rather than in any single dramatic symptom. Common signs include:

• A constant inner critic, or self-talk you would never use on a friend
• Feeling worthless, inadequate, or “not enough”
• Difficulty accepting compliments, credit, or help
• Apologizing often, including for things that are not your fault
• Avoiding social situations, new roles, or opportunities in case you fail
• Staying in relationships or jobs that do not treat you well
• Shame, embarrassment, or anger directed at yourself
• Perfectionism, or a sense that your worth depends on your output
• Difficulty setting boundaries or saying no
• Comparing yourself unfavourably to others, including online

What causes low self-esteem?

Self-esteem develops over time, and it’s usually shaped by multiple factors. Factors people commonly bring into therapy include:

• Early experiences with caregivers, including criticism, neglect, or conditional approval
• Bullying, exclusion, or harsh feedback at school or at work
• Trauma, abuse, or an experience that changed how you see yourself
• Chronic stress, burnout, or a period of loss or failure
• Living with a mental health concern such as depression or anxiety
• Relationships in which you were regularly diminished or controlled
• Cultural, family, or workplace messages about what makes a person valuable

Understanding where the pattern started is not about blame. It gives you and your therapist a clearer view of what is being maintained in the present, and what can change.

When is it time to get help?

It is time to get help when your view of yourself starts costing you things: opportunities you do not pursue, relationships you avoid or tolerate, or a baseline mood that stays low. You do not have to be in crisis to book an appointment.

Consider reaching out if:

• The inner critic is constant and you cannot quiet it
• Self-doubt is affecting your performance at work or school
• You are withdrawing from people, or staying in a relationship that hurts
• You feel isolated or lonely despite being around others
• Low self-worth is showing up alongside anxiety, depression, or disordered eating
• You have tried to “just think positive” and it has not held

Self-esteem issues treatment methods

• Acceptance and commitment therapy encourages clients to accept the difficulties and misfortunes of life. Clients learn coping techniques to not dwell on negative emotions by staying in the present.
• Existential therapy is focused on providing the client with a greater understanding of themselves including self-development and self-awareness. This therapy works on the individual’s unique set of choices and the meaning behind them, making them aware they can’t blame their decisions and the repercussions entirely on past conditioning and/or genetics.
• Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is an evidence-based approach to treatment that focuses on how people’s thoughts, emotions, and beliefs influence their behaviour and how they perceive themselves.
• Person Centered Therapy differs from more traditional therapeutic approaches in the belief that, while the therapist has expertise in many areas, the client is the expert on themselves and their lived experiences. People are essentially trustworthy and have a vast potential for understanding themselves while also being able to ultimately resolve their own problems when guided properly.
• Psychoanalytical therapy’s key figure is Sigmund Freud. Sigmund Freud was one of the few individuals who developed a comprehensive model of understanding under one theory. This theory has been able to encompass personality development, the complete philosophy of human nature, and even psychotherapy.
• Psychodynamic therapy’s core principle is that the unconscious mind harbours deep-rooted feelings and memories, which affects behaviour. Psychodynamic therapists work within this model by attempting to maintain more of an equal relationship with their client while also adopting the attitude of unconditional acceptance and trust.
• Family systems therapy looks at the family as one emotional unit. This therapeutic approach looks at the relationships within the family and the structure as a whole.