Losing Someone to Suicide

The death of a loved one or friend can feel devastating. If that loved one or friend was lost to suicide, the emotions can also be incredibly complex.

In addition to extreme grief, you may be feeling:

Shock

If there were no “signs” that the person was depressed or considering suicide, their death may have come out of nowhere. Perhaps they hadn’t experienced any personal failures or traumas and they seemed happy all the time and now you can’t fathom why on earth they took their own life.

Guilt

Maybe there were signs – perhaps they’d struggled with depression. Or maybe they just lost their job, experienced the break-up of a relationship, or the death of a loved one. You might be feeling that you either missed the signs or saw them but failed to act. You perhaps are reliving previous conversations where you were dismissive of their struggle or maybe some of your last words to each other weren’t very pleasant. You might be dwelling on the “what ifs”.

Shame

Many people view those who facilitate their own deaths as cowards. It can be hard to know their death is seen as something to be ashamed of by society/others. Many religions have very harsh views on suicide and you may be conflicted over how you feel about those views now that someone close to you has died by suicide. Even now, some people refuse to acknowledge suicide as a cause of death for their loved ones.

Anger

Perhaps you, might even be feeling  that the person who left you cowardly in taking their own life rather than dealing with their problems. In addition to the regular tasks to complete when a loved one dies (filing death certificates, government papers, funerals, etc.), maybe you’ve been left with bigger problems such as excessive debt, dealing with troubled relationships, or business problems.

Anxiety

This loss could have rocked you so much that you may be feeling concerned that someone else may be depressed or that you have to keep an eye on others in your life. You may be thinking, if I failed to help a loved one before – what will stop me from failing again? You may be hypervigilant in looking for clues in loved ones for depression or any signs of trouble. You might have other friends and family feel like they’re being smothered.

Depression

Grief can be difficult to overcome. Perhaps you are feeling so overcome with grief, you’re experiencing symptoms of depression and may even be having suicidal thoughts yourself.