Aging Parents

Its hard to watch your parents go from healthy active adults to frail seniors. Sometimes this can happen gradually, you may not notice that your dad was hiking and doing his own home repairs and now he seems to struggle with simple tasks or it can happen very suddenly as the result of a heart attack, stroke, injury, or other illness.

Generally, people are living longer and healthier lives. However, most people seem to reach an age where they can’t live completely on their own without some type of support. That support may come directly from their children or other family members, or in a more formal setting such as in-home care or senior’s residences with various levels of care provided.

There is much to consider and process when your parents are depending on you for their health care, or to make important decisions on their behalf.

Symptoms & signs of stress caused from dealing with aging parents

• Extended family conflict:
  • Perhaps you and your siblings have different ideas about what’s best for mom and dad, or it could be that not all siblings are pitching in and leaving you to take on more than your share of the work and worry.
• Nuclear family conflict:
  • The stress of dealing with ill or aging parents can put a strain on your relationships with your spouse/partner and your children. They may resent the time you spend with your parents and not with them.
• Conflict with your parents:
  • Perhaps they don’t see that they need help or expect that you can provide the level of care they require. They may accuse you of “putting them in a home”.
• Legal knowledge:
  • You may have to take a crash course in legal documents such as personal directives, power of attorney, etc.
• Guilt about:
  • Your parents – you might feel resentment towards them – especially if they haven’t put their affairs in order or made preparations for this stage of their lives.
  • Neglecting your own family – perhaps you are missing your kid’s milestones, sports events, or just time with them. Maybe you’ve put your relationship with your life partner on the back burner to tend to your parents, and it’s showing in a lack of connectedness or intimacy with your partner.
  • Neglecting your work – perhaps your career is suffering because you can’t be fully present when your parents are facing such big issues in their lives or maybe you’ve missed lots of time at work due to appointments, meetings and responding to emergency calls.
• Fatigue and grief:
  • This is a physically, emotionally, and even spiritually demanding time in your life. This can go on for years, with the only true “end” being the death of your parent/s. You are likely feeling grief about the loss of your parents for the way you’ve known them, and grief for the life you once had. This can all lead to depression and anxiety in your own personal life.