For many parents, there are only a handful of conversations that can feel as daunting as talking to their children about the birds and the bees.
Whether your child is six or sixteen, talking to your kids about sex will be difficult to approach. A key thing to consider is that these conversations should not be saved up for one big, intense talk. Rather, they can be ongoing throughout your child’s life. This ensures that the topic of intimacy is age-appropriate and is encouraging for both you and your child.
Start Early and Keep It Age-Appropriate
It is normal for children to have sexual curiosity. In fact, exploratory behaviour in young children is a natural part of development, and the goal of early conversations is not to overwhelm them but to build a steady foundation for the future.
It is best to avoid using confusing euphemisms from the beginning to set the tone for open, honest communication as they grow older. Rather than using terms like “hoo-ha,” “wee-ee,” or “pee-ee,” focus on using the correct anatomical terms for body parts, as it teaches children that their bodies are normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Using vague labels creates a space where children get confused and feel ashamed of their bodies. So refer to their body parts for what they are. This gives them the language to communicate clearly if something ever happens to them.
The presence of harm or force generally defines problematic sexual behaviour in children. Remember that curiosity on its own is not a red flag; rather, it is an opportunity.
What To Do When You Find Something
Sexual content is easily accessible through the internet, and it is often what exposes your child to it. If you have ever found videos or searches related to sex on your child’s device, try to resist the urge to react with alarm. Remember, your child being curious about sex and intimacy is completely normal. Your job is to ensure that your child gets guidance and education on this topic in a healthy way. The important question you need to ask yourself is whether you would rather have them learn from YouTube and TikTok or from you?
Approach the conversation with openness rather than shame, so your child feels completely safe coming to you with questions. You do not need to cover everything at once. Start with what they have already encountered and go from there.
Everyday Moments
You do not need to sit down for a formal conversation each time. Some of the most effective sex education happens naturally. For example, if a scene in a movie or a question comes up organically, those moments can be used as gentle starting points. You don’t have to over-explain. Instead, a simple acknowledgement, followed by an open-ended question like “What do you think about that?” or encouraging more questions, can open the door without making the conversation feel heavy.
The goal is to create a series of small, comfortable conversations over time.
Talking to Your Sons
Boys miss out on meaningful sex education in a way that is rarely acknowledged. Growing up, many boys learn that personal feelings about sex are to be kept entirely private. Schools provide sex education, but it is also good to explore sex education with them one-on-one. They learn that crude jokes are acceptable, but genuine vulnerability is not. This silence can be detrimental because it can lead to shame, confusion, and isolation around completely normal experiences.
Consider an approach that normalises these conversations indirectly. Rather than putting your son on the spot, talk about what other boys his age might be feeling. This removes the pressure of personal disclosure while still sending the message that these topics are safe to discuss. It’s important to have these conversations with your sons because it prepares them and allows them to be a source of support for their peers.
Talking to Your Daughters
For daughters, the goal many parents share is raising young women who enjoy healthy relationships without shame, who protect themselves both physically and emotionally, and who feel comfortable coming to a trusted adult with their questions.
This outcome is built over years of consistent, calm, and non-judgmental conversations. Allow your daughters to explore with guidance. An example would be reading books together and then discussing the contents. Guided exploration gives the child an opportunity to process privately before opening up, which can feel less invasive than a face-to-face conversation.
Gender Identity
Sexual education at home should also have space for the possibility that your child may be questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity. If your child begins asking questions alluding to the fact that they may be exploring their identity, the most important thing you can offer is a non-reactive, open response. You do not need to have all the answers. You just need to make sure they know that the door is open.
Learn More
The conversations you have today are building the foundation for the choices they will make tomorrow. Want to learn more about how you can approach this conversation with your children? Listen to the full Up The Rabbit Hole podcast episode or book an appointment with one of our certified therapists.
