want him more then a friend!

Ask A Therapist Onlinewant him more then a friend!
akshita! asked 12 years ago

I m a teen who like her friend nd he evn know that but act. as if he dont kw anythg his all ex gfz.wer daam beautiful but i kw i m not i m over weight he says i m d nly girl with whm u talk to nd he is most frank to meh He says i m d nly gal in frnt of he evr cried nd he act as he dnt lke me’n igr

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Best Answer
Insight Psychological Staff answered 12 years ago


Although you may really like your friend, if he is ignoring you and acting like he does not like you, then you need to really ask yourself if he can provide you with the love and respect that you deserve. It is wonderful that he feels supported by you and feels he can talk to you. But if he is transparent and vulnerable with you one moment, then is cold to you the next moment, it means there is a lot going on for him. He is probably confused about his own sense of self right now. This is his stuff, not yours. His reasons for ignoring you and acting like he does not like you are about him, not about you.

You clearly demonstrate wonderful strengths in empathy, compassion, and being able to support your friends. I recommend giving this friend some space so he can get clearer about himself. It may even be beneficial for him to find comfort from other resources, not just from you (you do not want to enable him by teaching him not to use his own inner resources).

As for you, it concerns me that you are comparing your looks to the other women your friend has dated. If your friend is struggling so much, it indicates that perhaps his other relationships have lacked substance and meaning. Do you want to be a girl who lacks substance and meaning? I would suggest building up your own inner strengths and increasing your self esteem. Start an “it’s all about me” journal. Write in this journal daily about the things you said and did, and the qualities you posses that make you a good person. I also suggest enhancing the other relationships in your life and increasing the level of meaning in those relationships.

As for the relationship between you and your friend, two things could potentially happen. One is you may meet other people, recognize you deserve more than what your friend is currently able to offer you, and find someone who can give you what you deserve in a relationship.

The other potential is that both you and your friend could grow. You could rediscover yourselves and start to build a healthy, meaningful relationship with yourselves as individuals. Then once you have completed this journey, you may both be at a place where you can be present for one another in a healthy way. From here, you may go on to create a beautiful, meaningful relationship. But you will never get here by remaining stagnant and living in the pain of not having him now.

Use this time to celebrate yourself. It’s okay to continue to be present for your friend, but he needs to know that if he is going to rely on you, he also has to respect you. Your teenage years are an important developmental time to create many relationships. So make sure that you invest some of your energy into other friends, siblings, parents, and most importantly, yourself.