Anonymous asked

I am a 34 year old mother of two great kids and newly separated from there father, after 15 years. I need your help because Im 34 and I have never reached a orgasm and its driving me mad lol. That was not the reason for the end of my marriage, but it didnt help either. I have had a lot of things happen to me in my childhood and I know thats why but I just cant get past it. I have read everything on your website but I was wondering if you could give me some more advice or shock therapy lol just kidding. I guess I should tell you more about myself. When I was seven my fathers brother got after me. Nothing happened the last to times but I cant remember the first. Then when I was 12 it all came out and me and my two best friends had to go to court. He got off with it. It was very hard and because he lived just next door. During the court case I started having bad dreams of another time when we lived in another house. There is a man on top of me and all I can see is his chest. My parents come home and he gets up very fast and puts his clothes on. I cant see his face and I dont even know if it happened. But if it did I know who it was. A close family member and when he When I was 14 my brother passed away and then I grew up very fast. The next summer when I turned 15 I started hanging out with much older people. This one man started talking to me and he was very funny and charming. He was 34. He would kiss me and oral sex but never sex because I was under age lol. He was to good of a man to have sex with a 15 year old kid and me being 15 I new everything and was in love lol. We stayed seeing each other and then I got raped by a 29 year old man. I told him and I wanted him to get mad but all he said was now we can have sex. This went on until I was 19 and I opened my eyes. When I did I moved to the other side of the country to get away from him. Then a month later I meet my husband (11 years older then me) and had a ring on my finger in 4 months. Ya I know With all that said I know its all in my mind but please I need help. I have been on my own for a year now and it feels great but I want to enjoy sex and not think that Im dirty. I just started seeing a very nice guy who is only 2 year older then me. He told me it will happed in time but Im going to go crazy while I wait. He is very understanding of my problem and with the me wanting to take our relationship slow. He is a good man. please help Going Crazy lol needadvice1978@hotmail.com

Insight Psychological Staff answered

There are a lot of past issues that you are dealing with and it makes sense that these issues are tied up with your sexuality, thus preventing you from having an orgasm. You learned at a very young age to detach from sex. it is going to take a lot of work to retrain your body into believing that sex is an enjoyable place. It will also take some work for you to reclaim control over your sexuality, so you can control your own sexual responses. Often when women are raped, they prevent their bodies from accepting sexual enjoyment, thus preventing climax.

If you come in to speak to one of our therapists, we will help you find closure with the trauma you have experienced. We will also help you reclaim your body (and your sexuality) so you can enjoy sex and learn to orgasm.

Looking for more help?

Insight Psychological has qualified therapists in Edmonton South, Edmonton North, Calgary, Spruce Grove, and Red Deer as well as options for online counselling. Contact us today and begin your journey towards a happier, healthier life.