I love to watch death. Sometimes, I want to to do it but I stop myself because I know it’s wrong. What is wrong? Why am I like this?
Thank you for posing this question. Your willingness and boldness to ask this question might provide an answer for someone who is experiencing similar challenges.
All living things die, so death is a reality for us as humans; especially now, during a pandemic when a large number of people are dying in our communities and globally. So, it is normal to think about death occasionally. However, it sounds to me like you are having obsessive thoughts about death and you feel something might be “wrong” with you. Thinking about death all the time, can be overwhelming and is a cause for concern, especially when it also includes thoughts of suicide.
Let’s explore some of the reasons you might be experiencing obsessive thoughts of death. Are you grieving? Sometimes when we lose someone close to us, death becomes more magnified in our lives and it might feel like death is the only thing we can think about during this period of grief. Grief may also cause us to wonder what happened to my loved one when they died, or you may have many questions to which there are no easy answers. If this is the cause, give yourself compassion and time to grieve. Journaling, visual and performing arts or talking to persons in your family or your social circle who are also grieving might be helpful.
Depression may also be contributing to you having obsessive thoughts about death. A very common characteristic of depression is thoughts of suicide. Having obsessive thoughts about death may also stem from anxiety or excessive worry about dying or losing someone you love.
Thoughts of suicide or attempting suicide are two things that should not be taken lightly. If you or a loved one are having these thoughts, please seek treatment immediately. A licensed counsellor can help and recommend the correct types of therapy.
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, this is an emergency – please call 911 or proceed to your nearest emergency room.
For immediate help outside of our office hours, throughout Alberta, please call 211 or one of the following distress lines:
- Edmonton and area: 780 482 HELP (4357)
- Calgary and area: 403 266 HELP (4357)
- Rural Distress Line (Alberta wide) 1-800-232-7288
I recommend that you make an appointment to meet with one of the therapists at Insight Psychologists to further explore your obsession with death. Your therapist will conduct an assessment for depression, anxiety and ongoing suicide assessment to ensure your safety. Speaking with a therapist will help you to identify, accept, and modify these worrisome thoughts while helping you live in the moment and create a life worth living.