relationship issues

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KM asked 12 years ago

I was in a 10 year long relationship with my husband that was very abusive. We had alot of ups and downs. I was finally left and met a wonderful man. Why do i still want to be with the first husband?

1 Answers
Insight Psychological Staff answered 12 years ago


I’m sorry to hear about your circumstances.  It is obvious you are in a difficult situation.  As a mother, you have a responsibility to your child to provide a safe, secure, and healthy environment for her.  Although she is only 18 months old, she is absorbing the emotional processes, including the abuse that is occurring between you and your boyfriend.  I encourage you to keep your child’s best interests in mind and make a decision from that point.  Perhaps you would like to seek out help through counselling first before making the choice to leave the relationship.  A few important questions you should ask yourself are “What am I teaching my daughter about relationships by remaining in an abusive one?” and “If my daughter was in an abusive relationship, what would I encourage her to do?”

If you’d like to meet with a therapist for individual and/or couples counselling, please give our office a call.

All the best,

Ashley Tulloch 

Insight Psychological Staff answered 12 years ago

In all relationships (abusive and non-abusive), there’s a strong attachment. it’s hard to let go of the attachment even if we know the relationship was not healthy. You may still have some processing to do to completly get over your ex husband.

In addition, you’re brain became used to the drama that went along with the abusive relationship. The uncertanty and instability can be a psychological rush. If this does not exist in your current relationship, your brain is probably missing the rush. It will take a while for it to rewire itself. Be patient and gentle on yourself. You may find it benificial to come in and speak to someone.