I think badly of myself. I cry a lot. I feel as if my future is going to be a failure and that I have been robbed of a chance at happiness. I act like a fool, laughing and never taking anything seriously when people are around. I make people up and talk to them as if they were real, just to cope.
It sounds like you are going through a lot right now and that you are feeling very lonely. The way you describe your situation indicates that you are struggling with your relationship with yourself. I am going to make several suggestions for you. In order to feel better you are going to have to make a commitment to at least try some of the suggestions, even at times when you don’t feel like it.
There are many books out there that may help you change your current situation. I am going to recommend a few. “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay. I also recommend buying her workbook. You may also want to check out “The Art of Happiness” by the Dalai Lama. You may find these books in the library.
You mention making up people to talk to as a way to cope, what else do you do to cope? I suggest making a list of activities that you like to do. Find some healthy activities that allow you to escape from your pain and feel good again. These activities could include running through a field, dancing alone in your bedroom, singing really loudly to the radio, doing a cartwheel, baking, painting, or writing. If you do not know of any activities that make you feel good (make you feel connected to you), then try some of my examples. Pay close attention to how they make you feel.
Next make a list of the qualities you want to have. These qualities may include high self esteem, a sense of humor, the ability to talk to others, insight, wisdom, etc. then pay attention to those around you who already posses these characteristics. Are there things they are doing that you could start to do?
Write out some positive affirmations and stick them around your room. Positive affirmations are things about yourself that you like. This may include “I am smart” “I am good at school/work” “I have nice eyes”, “I like the sound of my voice”, “I was born into this world with a purpose” “I am on a very interesting journey right now”, “I can find happiness within”, “it’s okay to grow”. Check out the following website for more affirmations and more information about positive affirmations; http://www.vitalaffirmations.com/affirmations.htm#example%20affirmations
I also recommend that you smile a lot more. Smiling produces dopamine in our brains which make us feel good. So a simple exercise is to go for a walk and genuinely smile at the people who you meet. If you are starting to feel badly about yourself, look in the mirror, smile, and repeat some of you affirmations. Smile some more even if you don not feel like it.
I also recommend looking into the community counseling supports that are available in your area. Talking to someone about what you have been going through would be very beneficial for you.