My boyfriend recently confessed to me that he believes he is bisexual. He had an experience he had 10 years ago and fantasizes about it sometimes. He suggested we experiment or act on these sexual fantasies together. I am not interested in this. He has since stated that he wants to continue with our strictly monogamous relationship because he would never want to hurt me or lose me.
He feels his confession changes nothing within our relationship. And though I love this man deeply, I feel like he dropped a huge bomb on me and changed everything. I am extremely confused and have a lot of questions. What are we up against? Do other people have success in “Bisexual Monogamy?” Are we doomed? I am willing to try.
We need help.
I can appreciate your concern and confusion regarding your boyfriend’s bisexual thoughts and fantasies. I can imagine it was a difficult conversation for both you and your boyfriend to have.
In regards to your concerns, it is important to recognize that a person’s sexual orientation does not directly relate to his or her choice to be monogamous in a relationship. In other words, whether your boyfriend is heterosexual or bisexual should not influence his choice to remain committed to your relationship if that is what he desires.
Based on the information you have disclosed, it sounds like your boyfriend is willing to do what it takes to avoid hurting you further and is dedicated to making your relationship work (bisexual or not).
If couples therapy is an option you and your boyfriend would like to explore, our therapists are trained and experienced to address these types of relational issues and would be more than willing to meet with you.
Best of luck to you both,
Ashley Tulloch, B.A., M.Sc. MFT, Registered Provisional Psychologist