when to call it quits??

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eva cushing asked 12 years ago

ive been trying to work through a abusive relationship,I havent been physically abused for a while but my partner says he comes very close too hurting me when we have disagreements and he doesit infront of my child and Im not allowed to leave the room or talk I have to sit in 1 spot and lilsten to him insult me, I ask him to please not do it infront of my child but he dont care. its gotten to the point where when i want to leave to cool off or call it quits he uses my child against me saying I cant take him, so I then have to plan on leaving behind his back, but then he senses it and babysits me. ( which means he dont leave my side) i know this sounds crazy and theres defineatly an abusive person here, but he always says that he is changing cuz he dont or hasnt hit me, but everrything else is still there, so do I aknowlwdge that he hasnt hit me and yea it will take time for him to change, or should i just get out??

1 Answers
Best Answer
Insight Psychological Staff answered 12 years ago

Abuse comes in many forms, not just physical. If he is creating an environment where your child feels unsafe, this is not healthy. If he is calling you names and putting you down, this is not healthy. If you feel unable to express yourself or speak your mind, this is not healthy.

There are three women’s shelters in Edmonton:

Lurana: 424-5875

Win House: 479-0058

Safe Place: 464-7237

If you are not yet ready to leave, you may want to ask the shelters about providing outreach. They can give you resources and tools to use regarding domestic violence and healthy relationships.

If your partner really wants to change, he may want to consider The Changing Ways program. (http://www.edmontonfamilyviolence.ca/Changing_Ways_Groups.html). Be careful if you chose to recommend this program to him, you do not want him to take it offensively. I recommends only offering it if he says he would like some help. you can say you have heard of a program, and if he wants you can look it up for him. wait to see if he is open to this idea before proceding. Some men take it very offensivly when their partner tries to “change them”.  If you offer the program, do so gently, only as a suggestion. In the meantime it is important to keep yourself safe.