Anonymous asked

I am married for 3 years….During the first year of my marriage, my husband betrayed me by having relationship with a girl. When I found, he apologized but he just denied having met that girl ever and told me that he was only in talking terms to her and now he says he’s no more into it. I was hurt to the deepest of my heart because ours was a love marriage and we were deeply in love when we married. That’s why thereafter whenever he tried to suppress me/ insult me (being husband/ man) in front of others I just reminded him of his own mistakes to understand no one can be perfect, even he had committed one of the most deadly mistakes. However, once when his mother overheard one of our heated discussions, she just made clear that her son was not wrong in having extra-marital relationship. That made my husband even more proud of his social status and he started openly insulting me for various incidents whenever his relatives are around, because he knows that he will always be supported. Now when his father heard all this from me, he was depressed, though he also took his side. But since his father was upset, my husband is now more convinced that because of my wordings about that girl/ my husband only my father felt depressed and sad..Now he is more away from me…my relationship is facing worst time..i don’t know what should I do..? Since his parents are supporting him in every deed, they are not ready to listen to me and are annoyed with me because of my wordings…they are showing as sad to my husband, due to this he’s upset with me….they live at their native place and come occasionally only…I am also working..i don’t know what to do…please guide to make my martial life good…

Best Answer
Insight Psychological Staff answered

The first step is realizing that there is an issue and taking the initiative to seek support. Trust issues are a common problem in many relationships. Because your relationship has experienced a threat, intervention is required for the couple system. This would require active, open, and consistent intervention to manage the trust issues that appear to be occurring between you and your partner. With this type of change, you can both begin to increase your levels of differentiation. That is, it will begin to help strengthen each of you (through personal growth and maturity) as individuals in a couple system which will help both of you demonstrate respect to the other without sacrificing the self. In addition, couples therapy can also provide a safe environment for you both to be open and honest with each other regarding your needs and expectations of your marriage. That being said, I would suggest couples therapy for you and your husband. However, given your description, your husband may be resistant to the idea. At this time, I would suggest you seek individual therapy. This may be beneficial; as it will help you strengthen and build your worth as an individual which would include strengthening your assertiveness. In addition, stress and anxiety management may be helpful for you to develop, as it sounds as though your extended family creates significant tension in your life. With proper management of your stress, you will be able to utilize healthy coping mechanisms despite the challenging circumstances. If this is something that you feel will be helpful for you, please feel free to make an appointment with us at Insight Psychological. We have different therapists and can determine which one will be best for your particular needs.

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