Samantha asked 12 years ago
Dear Therapist, I have been dating my partner for nearly 3 years and we are a wonderful couple with a happy relationship. One problem persists, I am from Canada and he is from Australia. We are both very close with our families and athough I have travelled and lived away from home many times, I have severe anxiety about moving permanently to a place that is so far from home with the possiblity of visiting only once or twice a year. I fear being disconnected from my family and friends. My partner understands this, however, he is a professional sportsman and his career lies in Australia. I do see wonderful opportunities for myself there as well. How do I overcome the fear of moving? Or how do I know if this is the right situation for my life? I do know that I love him and want a future with him. Thank you so much for your kindness and help 🙂 Sam
Insight Psychological Staff answered 2 years ago
Thank you for your question. It sounds like you have some tough decisions to face and addressing fears can be complex.
It’s a big decision that involves big changes and for most of us, change is difficult. Anxiety often comes with change so it’s natural to have these feelings as you weigh your options regarding this potential move. It’s important to consider if your anxiety is more than just a discomfort of the unknown and to consider if it’s holding you back from pursuing a fulfilling life. Therapy can help you to discover the root of your fears and how they may be affecting your life. For instance, if you are fearful of leaving your family, you may avoid moving, thereby (possibly) missing out on a relationship with your partner and the possibility of developing new relationships with other people in Australia. Additionally, as a therapist, I recommend discussing why you are experiencing these fears. We can develop fears from:
- Previous trauma
- Negative core beliefs
- Lack of self-esteem
- The unknown
Sometimes we also develop fears because of improper ways we bonded with our caregivers as children. We can bring these ways of functioning into adult relationships through our attachment styles. These styles can create difficulties for our current and future relationships. You may have an anxious attachment style with your family and friends. This shows up as fears of abandonment and separation. Another way to tackle these fears is through trauma therapy. By going through your past, we could discover if you ever had traumatic experiences that may be interfering with your ability to face your current worries.
An important question you can ask yourself is:
What goals do you I have for my life in general?
By answering this, you can address what you value most. This will help define how you would like to create your life moving forward.
A therapist can help you discover if this decision is right for you now or in the future, based upon your short-term and long-term goals. You may decide that you would like to compromise on the decision and move in five years. The therapist can also help you develop the skills to address a healthier attachment towards the important people in your life and to utilize positive coping skills to decrease the impact of the consequences from your decision. You can also discuss your options with the therapist to help you choose the right decision(s) for you.
I wish you the best of luck as you embark on this new phase of your life – whatever that ends up being for you.
