Dealing with the Divorce or Separation of Your Parents
If your parents are going through a separation or divorce, a lot of feelings may be going through you at this time and this is normal. Anxiety, fear, shock and surprise, anger and even guilt may be the feelings that are ruling your emotions right now. It is common for kids to feel this way. Divorce often gives the impression of uncertainty especially since this is something that most kids and even adults are not familiar with. Some kids may also feel embarrassed that their parents are getting divorced and may try to hide this fact from friends and other people they know. Other kids may feel relieved that their parents are finally separating. While this may cause a child to feel guilty for feeling this way, this feeling is often normal especially for older children who have grown up seeing constant fighting between their parents.
Reasons for divorce
Why their parents are divorcing is often what most kids ask when this occurs and you might be asking about the same thing. There are many reasons why parents get a divorce or separate. Some parents may feel like they can no longer make their marriage work due to too much anger or a change in the love that they have for each other. In some cases, one of them falls in love with someone else. In other cases, a divorce or separation may be the thing to do when too much fighting is going on that it affects the kids, or when problems like drinking and other forms of abuse are present in the marriage. It is very important, however, to remember that you are not the cause of the divorce. Separation is due to problems in the marriage and not with problems with the children.
Dealing with divorce over time
Things may seem very hard when the process of divorce is still starting. Startling changes in the structure and the dynamics of the family can lead to the anxieties mentioned above. However, it gets easier to deal with these changes over time. Routines are soon established, such as schedules of spending time with each parent can become more familiar and you will soon become more comfortable with them. You will also get used to living in different houses, and spending time with just one parent.
Changes that can be expected after divorce
Divorce produces a lot of changes in the lives of both the parents and the kids. Children may need to get used to living in two houses at different times. Parents may need to adopt new roles as well. For example, a mom who used to stay at home may need to go to work to support herself and her children.
Separation or divorce can be a traumatic experience especially for young children. The various changes that are bound to occur can result to confusion in children. Some may even blame themselves for the changes that are happening. Open communication during this time is important as well as identifying the typical feelings a child may have during separation can help the parents help their child cope effectively during this time.