Ask A Counsellor - Answered
Problem with lover
My boy friend is not paying more attention to me.. He always cares about his friend(girl) and ignores me. I am depressed. What should I do?
Asha Thomas's AnswerAnswered on 2012-06-28
Have you voiced your concerns to your significant other about feeling neglected? Is he willing to work on the relationship? These are questions to consider. If he is willing to work on bettering the relationship, I would suggest couples counseling. With this, a neutral party is brought into the couples system and views the relationship from an unbiased perspective. This provides both individuals in the couples system to voice their concerns, needs, and expectations of the relationship from the other. Once this is established, a therapist can support each of you in how to teach the other to meet these expectations with healthy communication styles.
If your boyfriend is not open to the idea of seeking support, I would suggest individual counseling for yourself. With the support of a therapist, you will be able to strengthen your assertiveness and communication skills that can be utilized during situations that you may feel mistreated. In addition, developing and strengthening boundaries for yourself can also be beneficial, not only in this particular relationship, but other relationships in your life. The feelings of depression may be due to the difficulties you are experiencing in the relationship. It would be beneficial for you to explore the emotions and other aspects that may be behind the depression. A therapist can also support you in understanding your emotions and managing them in a healthy way.