Ask A Counsellor - Answered
Birth Father
Hi there, I am not sure if I have the right field or not but it’s worth a try. I am currently on the fence of meeting my birth father. I am 25 years old and I have never met/seen/talked or heard about my birth father. I have several family members ask me when and if I will ever take the step to meet him. This is something that’s been bothering me for quite sometime now. My mother re-married and I have a father figure in my life now and I have even asked him about what his thoughts about me meeting my birth father are, and his response was "Why would you, he never was there to begin with, why would you? But it’s up to you kid." Those were his exact words. I was hoping that I could get some sort of guidance from a professional and if you have ever had this situation before. I guess I would just like to know if this is something I should do or not, I have not met anyone in my adult years that has gone through this so I don’t know the outcome. All I know about my birth father is that he needed help with drugs/sexual issues and this is why my mother left him. Could you help me? Has something like this come up before?
Ashley's Answer
Answered on 2011-09-07
Christina,
Thank you for turning to Insight Psychological for help. I absolutely admire your bravery in considering seeking out your birth father. I can imagine you are very curious about him, considering you have never met him and don’t know a lot about him. I expect that your mother and step-father will caution you against meeting him as I’m sure they want to protect you and keep you out of harms way. Nevertheless, you are an adult and you have the right to decide whether or not this is something you want to pursue. It sounds like it is very important for you to contact your birth father. I imagine you have a lot of questions and curiosities, and would like to meet and get to know him. This is all very natural and a part of your life process.
My only caution to you is that you carefully consider all of the potential outcomes of seeking out your birth father. There is the potential that he is enmeshed in drug/alcohol/sex addiction and not managing very well, he may be deceased, or he may not be interested in having a relationship with you. Those are just a few of the possibilities to consider. The best case scenario is that he is healthy and well, and wants to get to know you as much as you want to get to know him.
If you would like to discuss this further, please give us a call and we will book you an appointment to see one of our therapists.
Good luck with your decision,
Ashley
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